At a time many parents were playing Santa, I sat stunned as I listened to a man I’ve never met but whom I love, tell me that one of my favorite people was gone from this earth.
I think a part of me must still be in shock, as I’ve been since I got that text from Dom. How else could I be sitting here typing these words to you? Words you’ll never read, words that will never be enough.
One might say that you can’t love someone you’ve never met. I call bullshit. You and I have loved each other from the very beginning. Do you remember our first chats? We were going to do it all together. Fairly early on it was clear that we were separated at birth, you being my slightly older big sister. We bonded over food, our love of sweets, and oddly…our completely different yet similar lives with chronic pain.
You taught me how to face this life of pain with grace and positivity. You always had a smile, even on the worst of your days. Even when you felt horrible, you cared more about asking how I was doing. Back and forth we went, caring for each other, keeping tabs on doctors appointments and treatment options. When you won your disability case, I celebrated with you, 2000 miles away. Whenever I had a new creative notion, you jumped on board, instantly giving it your seal of approval. “100% Misty Approved”
We shared tales of our men and how we had gotten so lucky to find those that love us in spite of our difficulties. We marveled that our guys would work all day to provide for us and then come home to help us clean because we couldn’t do it. How lucky we are that they chose us to love! We railed at circumstances that meant we didn’t live next door together. Oh, the tales we’d have over coffee! Oh, the dinners we could have, the double dates!
You taught me the true meaning of family and what it is to truly love someone. Your bubbly personality was a light in my life EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
I cried this morning as I realized I’ll never see your smiling icon in my email again. I’ll never again hear your charming drawl call me “Dah-lin.” I’ll never again hear that bubbly laugh that could make Scrooge himself smile. I’ll never again see you smiling, bright red lipstick ever present, as we chat through our computer screens. I’ll never get to hug you tight and tell you how very much I love you.
You won’t get to be there when I finally have my first slice of key lime pie.
I miss you with every atom of my being. My heart feels crushed, my soul is broken beyond recognition. I know if you were here, you’d be patting my back and hushing me in that sweet voice of yours. You’d tell me, “Everything’s gonna be alright, Sugarpop.” But if you were here, I wouldn’t be crying the big, ugly cry and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Damn it. It isn’t going to be okay. This isn’t fair. Your light shined so bright for so many, I don’t understand why it has to be gone so soon. Your husband’s voice breaks me apart, he misses you so badly. We all do.
I hope that you know how incredibly you are loved. I hope you know the hole that is left gaping with your absence. I hope you know that there will never again be another YOU. I hope you know that just because you’re not here to bind us, Dominic will always be my brother-in-law. And I promise you, I will take care of him for you.
Go in peace, my sweet love. My sister. My soulmate.