You may remember that this year I am focusing on healing.
As we gear up for April, I feel an update is in order.
Am I healing?
Considering I’m currently fighting a cold, most would laugh and say no. How can I be healing when I sit coughing and sneezing?
Since my primary goal for this journey was to heal my heart, the coughs and sneezes are neither here or there in my book.
Emotionally, I feel like a pot of soup someone’s stirred too hard too fast. Now the liquid is churning around in a tornado-like spiral, this is me.
I still miss Misty with a pain that cuts like a knife. Though my days are no longer filled with crying, there are still moments that catch me raw and the sobs spill forth. There have been moments that I have craved nothing more than to be able to pick up my phone and call her and the knowledge that I can’t, aches.
With my recent engagement and the beginnings of wedding plans, I’m eternally grateful for the close friends I have that are flung far and wide across the country. Tracie, Teala, and Shevaun have been helping pool ideas together so we can get a clearer picture of what the big day will look like. Teala is even saving up so she can fly out to be on of my bridesmaids. That she is willing do so much for me is a bit overwhelming. The love of my friends is wonderful and beautiful and I am so very blessed.
My fiance and I are as close as we’ve ever been. Having him beside me on this journey makes the harder moments easier to face and the good moments even sweeter. His love helps to heal wounds from my past that have a nasty way of showing up occasionally. His understanding and patience with me allows me to take the space I need to work on myself without feeling too guilty.
My new found friend Rebecca has been a joyful help on my path of physical healing.
A fellow rheumie, she is possible the only person in my life that fully comprehends what it means when I say something hurts. She’s been kind enough to share any tips she has as well as passing along new information and research. I feel like I have a co-captain in this battle against my disease and that’s helped me be able to face some of the harsher realities.
I suppose the fact that I consider myself a work in progress means I am, in fact, healing. I know I’m nowhere close to where I want to be, but I’m getting there.
And in the end, that’s the definition of a journey, isn’t it?