Tag Archives: treatment

Gratitude Heals

Life has been a whirlwind this past week. After a holiday weekend spent working on projects and playing games with a good friend, our lives were upturned when my fiance’s father was hospitalized Tuesday.

Pops is still in the hospital today, and likely will be for at least another week, though we don’t know for sure yet. So while I wait for a call back from his doctor, I’ll share my gratitudes here, and send some positive energy into the universe on his behalf.

GratefulMondays

*I’m grateful for friends, framily, and loved ones who have been sending prayers and good thoughts for Scotty’s dad.

*I’m grateful for the nurses and staff who have been taking such good care of Pops, and who have answered all our worried calls with calm reassurances.

*I’m grateful for a dear friend who’s come back into our lives, who has been my strength this last week. I’m thankful she was able to spend Saturday with us, and provide some smiles when we needed them the most.

*I’m grateful for our doggy and his snuggles. They might not cure what ails us, but they come pretty darn close.

*I’m grateful for an afternoon at the dog park, watching our doggy play and run. That little bit of fresh air cleared our minds and temporarily eased our hearts. It’s the simple things, sometimes.

*I’m grateful for the Dutch Bros. gift card we received for Christmas which means we’ve been able to treat ourselves to hot tea and coffee while we’ve been driving back and forth from the hospital. The little pick-me-ups have been heavenly.

*I’m grateful for the long-burning holiday candle Cathy gave us for Christmas. The scents of cinnamon and pine are extremely soothing while I sit and wait for the phone to ring.

*I’m grateful we were able to make changes to our phone plans last month, so that we now have the unlimited minutes and texts for all the necessary phone calls and messages. We’d make the calls anyway, but it’s nice to know our bill won’t be astronomical when it comes.

*I’m grateful our car has been able to make the repeated trips to the hospital (it’s a 40 minute trip to where Pops is), despite it desperately needing an oil change and transmission flush, which we can’t exactly afford right now. I’m also thankful for lower gas prices which make it not so damaging to the budget to have to fill up the tank over and over again this month.

*I’m grateful for Scotty’s boss, who understands family comes first. Who made sure Scotty had time off to be at the hospital while Pops was admitted, and even paid him for those hours.

*I’m grateful for all the compassion, love, and strength we’ve received from friends far and wide. For the phone calls, text messages, emails, and tweets. For the smiles and hugs. For the prayers that keep coming, and all the positive energy that is flowing from everyone. It is all felt, and very much appreciated.

*And I’m grateful for my own treatment and doctors, who’ve made it possible for me to be able to be by Scotty’s side through all this. I’m grateful my body has cooperated this past week, and hasn’t punished me too badly for the excess stress and worry. I’m grateful that tomorrow is infusion day, and that I will be receiving some blessed relief so that I can continue to stand by his side and be strong for him.

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Where I’ve Been And What I’m Doing

Last week I was MIA.

To start it off, I had my second Remicade infusion. Which didn’t go quite as smoothly as the first. Since I’m predominantly right handed, we decided to try my left hand this time, so I could have a little more freedom of movement during and after the treatment. Well, my left hand didn’t want to cooperate. We had to do four different sticks before we found a vein that would work. And then, in the last five minutes of a three hour infusion, we blew that vein. So my hand looked like a medical glove someone had made into a balloon.

The doctor came in and looked me over, and cleared me to go home, though with strict orders to ice my hand and keep it elevated. No movement for at least 24 hours.

You never realize just how much you use your non-dominant hand until you absolutely can’t use it. It was a nightmare.

I tried to catch up on emails and such on Wednesday, but typing one-handed just wasn’t working for me. Thursday I was able to start light activity, but then our internet crapped out. Clearly, the universe wanted me to take a break.

So even though we had the internet issue resolved on Friday, I hung back from the internet and worked on some stuff around the house. I went to therapy and worked on me. And I rested.

I continued resting all weekend, even while I had a guest post over at The Domain Of The Mad Mommy. I played board games with Scotty and watched football. I ate yummy food.

Today I’m back and feeling the groove. I’ve got some exciting posts coming up, some great swaps for Ask Away Friday, and a few friends will be visiting with some guest posts. So stick around, I promise you won’t be sorry 🙂

Hello Mother, I Need You To Hear Me

I need to say these things to you, and I need you to really HEAR me.

My health is important. It’s important to me, it’s important to Scotty, and I would hope it would be important to my parents. Your actions recently clearly state otherwise.

I don’t know if it’s because it’s hard for you to see your daughter sick, or if you honestly believe it’s some sad bid for attention. Whatever the reason behind your behavior, it’s unacceptable. I AM SICK. This is not up for debate.

I didn’t choose this, I certainly didn’t make it up, and it’s not just going to go away.

The medications I’m taking aren’t easy. They’re not easy on my body, and the decision to choose them as treatment doesn’t come easy. Ultimately I have to decide if I want to reduce my symptoms now and risk possibly shortening my life span or contracting another (often worse) illness, OR do I live without medication and spend my life confined to bed. I choose to risk the medication, because I want to live the best life I possibly can, for as long as I can. Maybe you’d make a different decision. Hopefully we never have to find out.

I know we’ve talked about this before, but for whatever reason, you still can’t seem to be the parents I need you to be. When you were diagnosed with cancer, my sisters and I were worried about you. I never questioned you, your diagnosis, or your treatment. I took care of you, helped in the best ways I knew how, and tried my best to support you. Is it wrong for me to expect the same from you?

I could sit here and explain the science behind my illness, but it really doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. I am sick. It is a lifelong illness. To date, there is no cure. I’m trying my hardest to live the very best life I can. If you can’t be a part of my treatment plan by being supportive and encouraging, then I must distance myself. The stress and anxiety over this strain in our relationship is not healthy for me. Your phone calls during my treatment yesterday caused my vital signs to freak out, and the nurse and doctor both had to calm me down.

That is completely unacceptable.

So this is me setting a boundary and trying to take care of myself. If I don’t answer your calls, you’ll know why. I can’t let your negativity and nonchalant dismissal of me and my illness continue to affect my well being. It breaks my heart to know I can’t count on my own mother for support while I battle the biggest fight of my life. I can only hope and pray my own son never has cause to feel this way about me…

Truthful Tuesday: A New Path

I love and hate the Tuesday after a long weekend. On one hand, you’re already one day closer to Friday. On the other, you’re an extra day behind on emails and such. Here’s some other things about this Tuesday:

*I start Remicade infusions, a new (for me) treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis, today. I’m both excited and terrified. I’m really hoping this is the right path for me, but I’m worried about side effects and that it won’t work. If it doesn’t work, we don’t know what the next step will be…

*My son starts 8th grade this week and I’m incredibly proud of him. However, I’m quite unsure where all the time has gone. How can he be nearly 14 already?!

*My house is alarmingly quiet and empty without my son’s excited energy here to fill it up. We miss him more than words.

*It is now under 11 months (and counting!) until our wedding. We’re trying to get serious about finding a venue and nailing down some other details, but also trying to remain calm and stress-free. It’s hard, yo,

*I’ve decided to link up with not one, but TWO photo challenges on Instagram this month. I’ve been bad about slacking on these in the past, so if you’re inclined to offer reminders, I’ll take them!

*I’ve really been craving Thai food lately. Clearly this means Scotty and I need to take a day trip to Portland to visit my loves and go to the food trucks.

*I’m incredibly grateful for Scotty, his boss, our circle of friends, and my doctors, who’ve all had a part in taking care of me and making my treatment both a priority, and a possibility.