Tag Archives: therapy

Truthful Tuesday: I’m Hurting

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared some truths. Today the emotions are still running high, so I thought this would be a good way to process some of them.

*The doctor says I have TMJ, that it is related to RA, and is likely caused by my poor stress management.

*While I’ve improved in some areas in therapy, stress management is still something with which I’m struggling.

*What I really want is someone to handle these things for me.

*I not only have a hard time telling people “No,” I also have an equally difficult time saying “I can’t do this any longer” when an obligation or responsibility becomes too much for me.

*Right now, the emotional pain of this diagnosis and the surrounding issues are as painful as the TMJ.

*The pain is impacting my ability to eat the food I want, and today it hurts to talk. Or sing.

*My doggy asking to play will never not bring a smile to my face, no matter how much I hurt.

*My doggy waits until I’m in the middle of a post, and knee deep in the writing mojo before he’s ready to play. And he will not take no for an answer.

*Even while things have been rough these few weeks, I’ve been blessed. I’m lucky to have friends who do so much to enrich my life.

*I will overcome this hurdle, just as I’ve overcome everything up to this point. I may need a few days to process things, but I will prevail. And I will smile again.

Ask Away Friday Vol. 13

It’s Friday again and time for a dose of Ask Away Friday!

This week I got to swap with the lovely Jenessa from Mothering {in Real Life}

(I don’t have a spiffy graphic this week cuz I started feeling puny while finishing this post up, and needed to just let it go. Sorry Jenessa, you deserve better.)

Jenessa is a married mom of three who blogs about life, her battles with depression, and her family. She has an honest voice that cuts through the fluff and tells it like it is. She’s not putting any fake flowers on it, this is mothering- in real life. Be sure to pop on over and tell her hi and check out her answers to my questions.

Here’s what Jenessa asked me-

1. I’m glad you have started therapy to learn some coping tools for your depression. What do you find works best for you? What else have you learned from therapy?

Journalling has been a new coping tool that I find helpful. I used to think my journals had to make sense, like my blog or writing. Learning that my journals could be messy, that they were more for freeing my mind, was HUGE. Now I scribble, write, doodle, and make thought bubbles in my journal. Whatever it takes to get the swirling thoughts out of my head and onto paper.

2. I love your recent post “Just one… but so much more“. What else would you add to your list of “I am…”?

Thank you! I wrote that post as part of Invisible Illness Awareness Week, and was really happy with the response I received. I don’t know if there is anything I would add, I think it came out well the first time.

3. What advice would you give to someone living with chronic pain, depression or other “invisible” illnesses?

Be gentle with yourself.

We all have these images of who we should be, and certain expectations of ourselves. When your life gets derailed by illness, it’s hard to reconcile our images of ourselves with what is actually possible. So we berate ourselves for not living up to this picture of perfection, when in reality, we’re doing the best we can within our new perimeters. So be gentle with yourself, be kind. Recognize that you’re doing your best, even if it’s not up to the same standards you used to have.

4. Tell an embarrassing childhood story – it could be about you, your son, or your fiancé.

Oh goodness. I won’t embarrass Scotty by sharing the stories his dad has told me. When Jojo was about three, we had just moved back to my hometown and were living with my parents while we got on our feet. We were all sitting in the living room talking one night, me, my (then) husband, and my parents. Jojo was in the middle of the floor playing with blocks when suddenly the tower he was building came crashing down. Without missing a beat, he uttered “Damnit!” with the same tone of voice as I do. And of course, everyone turned to look at me.

Jojo and I had a nice talk that night about how we don’t repeat the things Mama says.

5. You were a young mother, same as I was. How has starting motherhood young changed your life? (Or motherhood in general?)

I had to grow up. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s the truth. Suddenly there was this tiny little human who relied on me for EVERYTHING. So I worked dead-end minimum wage jobs and went to the parenting classes offered by WIC and learned via trial and error. I won’t say I did everything right, but I have loved that little man since the moment I knew he existed, and I wouldn’t change a single thing.

6. Share your favorite pumpkin or apple recipe for fall.

Here’s a little secret. I don’t like pumpkin. *gasp* Scotty does though, so I make him pumpkin cookies every fall. Maybe this year I’ll try pumpkin bread instead…

7. I love that your blog is so open and honest. Is there anything you don’t feel comfortable with sharing on your blog?

I try to keep respect for Scotty’s privacy. I don’t share about our personal lives here, no bedroom talk. I also don’t go into too much detail about his life, his work. I choose to blog, he doesn’t, so it’s not fair for me to decide what he shares.

8. I personally loved planning our wedding. What do you love about wedding planning? What do you hate? Does your fiancée help with the planning?

I love all the ideas! And Pinterest is both my best friend and my worst enemy. I can easily get overwhelmed there. Scotty is a GREAT help. I run all my ideas past him and make sure he gets a say. It’s his day too, after all 🙂

9. Tell us 5 random facts about yourself that you haven’t shared here on your blog before.

* I saw the Newsboys live before they were cool…well, this time around anyway.

* I was once stuck on the side of a mountain road with Nubs overnight. It’s a great story that I’ll have to share one of these days…

* I used to smoke. I quit five years ago for the last time.

* I love panda bears. Big puffy heart love them.

* I used to have my tongue pierced.

10. Fast Ten
Favorite Color: Teal.Turquoise.Aqua. That lovely place between green and blue.
Lucky Number: 3
Time You Usually Wake Up: 7:30ish, but I don’t usually start getting up until 8:30ish
Time You Usually Go To Bed: Anytime between 10:00pm and midnight.
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Sport: Football!
Favorite Flower: Daisies
Favorite Song: Linkin Park’s “A Place For My Head”
Favorite Movie: It’s a tie between Top Gun and Dirty Dancing
Best Memory With Your Kid: The first time he said “Love you Mama”

Many thanks to Jenessa for the great swap. Like I said above, I started feeling yucky, so Ima lay low this weekend and hope this flare blows by. Y’all have a good one!

Let Me Help You

One of the things I’m loving about therapy is finding the roots of my anxiety. It’s all fine and dandy to find healthier coping skills for said anxiety, but to discover WHY I’m anxious, and curb those responses is an even greater thing.

Yesterday we had a little revelation.

Well, rather, I had a revelation. I’m fairly certain my therapist saw it coming a mile away. She’s good like that.

I like to help people.

I know, I know, that shouldn’t cause me anxiety. But it does. It does because not everyone is receptive to my help, and that frustrates me. Which means I stress about it, dwell on it, and work myself into a tizzy over it.

I know it seems silly. And when I type it out, it sounds ridiculous even to me, but that’s me.

I’ve lived a lot of different paths in my life, and a great many of them were not easy or pleasant. I wouldn’t change those paths because they all led me to my son and my wonderful fiance, but I’d be lying if I said some of those paths didn’t hurt. A lot. Apparently at the very core of me, I’d like nothing more than to spare anyone the same pain I’ve already lived through. Who wouldn’t want to help their friends that way, right?

The crux of it is that I try to force my hard earned knowledge on others who aren’t usually very receptive. My father-in-law who approaches his life with chronic illness differently than I do, the pregnant teenager who is in for a rude awakening, the good friend who overextends herself to the point of an imminent burnout. Just because I can see their paths are causing them pain doesn’t mean it’s my place to try to force them to change. I can offer them my help, but if they choose to continue on their path, I must allow them to live their lives.

I don’t know WHY I’m this way or why  I let it get under my skin SO MUCH. You would think it would be easy to just let it all go, especially when my peace of mind is at stake. Sadly, it’s a battle for me to walk away and let them be. I want so badly to help them, save them from harm and pain that I fret about it until I’m a mess.

Now that we’ve discovered one of my quirks, it’s time to work on finding a better outlet for my energies. Which means I spent last night contemplating starting a local support group, which I’m not sure I have the energy to take on…

What are some of your quirks?

I’m That Girl

I’m the girl who is learning how to take care of herself, both body and mind.

I’m the girl who will do something just because you told her she couldn’t do it.

I’m the girl who believes butter, bacon, cheese, or chocolate can fix anything.

I’m the girl who knows when it’s time to seek the help of a therapist.

I’m the girl who doesn’t like roses or the color pink.

I’m the girl who loves care packages, both making them for others and receiving them.

I’m the girl who has recognized that her coping mechanisms are no longer working.

I’m the girl who cries at every single military home-coming/ceremony movie, commercial, or video. Every. Single. Time.

I’m the girl who loves quickly and fiercely.

I’m the girl who adores candles.

I’m the girl who is reaching out for help with one hand, while offering help with the other.

What kind of person are you?

**My gal Dawnie does this style of post on occasion and they always stick with me. Thanks for the inspiration, lovely lady. And for not kicking my butt when I steal your ideas 😉