Tag Archives: sexual assault

My Hope Was Renewed By You

Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of it all.

On the days when the pain is more intense, when the fatigue has cloaked me in its quicksand, when anxiety and depression are feeding me their lies, it’s very easy to wonder why I keep fighting.

I’ve struggled this week. While there have been a few good moments, ultimately I’ve been hurting, weak, and exhausted. The little nagging voices have been trying their hardest to convince me that it’s not worth it. That getting up each day and popping the laptop open is just a futile attempt to pretend like I’m actually doing something. That even the triggers from sharing my story weren’t worth it. Really, what good did it do?

Then as I got ready for bed last night, I checked my email. And my hope was renewed.

There, buried among the junk emails, was a note from a survivor, someone who had stumbled upon my post. She reached out to me to tell me her story and that I had helped her. As I read her words, my heart ached for her pain. Tears streamed down my face and I once again railed at the injustices in this world.

She finished by saying, “I wanted to say thank you and it’s kind that you give out your email so that people like me can write out things like this to someone who understands. So thank you.”

My heart clutched in my chest and I was washed over with such a feeling of grace. THIS. This is why I do what I do. Why I get up even on the painful days. Why I work so hard to spread love and hope. Why I relive the trauma every year as I share my story.

Because to know I’ve helped ONE PERSON makes it all worth it. Because no one should ever feel alone in this world. Because two survivors helped to give me the strength to take back my power and rise above the shame and stigma attached to sexual assault victims. Because THIS is how I repay their kindness and faith in me.

So to Someone Who Refuses To Make This Event Ruin Me-

Thank you for reminding me of my purpose in this world. Thank you for trusting me with your story. Thank you for being brave and strong. You are indeed not alone.

Truthful Tuesday: I’m A Survivor

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Each year as many are carrying out pranks for April Fools Day, I dust off my trusty soapbox and prepare myself to share my story once again. Not because I like talking about what is a very dark point in my life, but because it’s important to me that girls everywhere are safe.

That safety will only come when we can shed light on the darkness and lose the stigma attached to survivors of rape. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, many of us probably have some preconceived notions when we think about rape and sexual assault. I know I did. So here are some truths you probably didn’t know:

*One in six women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape. Look at your six closest friends, one of you is likely a survivor.

*60% of sexual assaults are NOT reported to police. My rape happened out of my state of residence. I did not report at the time and when I tried to report once I was safe in my hometown, I was told I would have to travel back to where it occurred to press charges.

*80% of victims are under age 30. I was 26.

*Every two minutes another American is sexually assaulted. In the time it took me to write this post, 15 people were raped. Fifteen lives irrevocably changed.

*Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. My rapist was my husband. Many told me this didn’t count, that because we were married, it wasn’t rape. I almost believed them. But the bottom line is I said no and he didn’t listen. He held me against my will and forced himself on me. THAT IS RAPE, it doesn’t matter who he was.

Rape is NEVER okay. It doesn’t matter what a woman is wearing, if she had a few drinks, if she batted her eyelashes, if you’re dating, if she’s wearing an intoxicating perfume. IT IS NEVER OKAY. It doesn’t matter if he was your friend, if the two of you were/are in a relationship, if you said yes to cuddling but then he took it farther than you were comfortable with. THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

If you’re reading this and you’re a victim of rape, please know that you are not alone. You are strong and brave and IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. Below you will find some links to pages that will help you on your journey to healing. And if you need to, you can always email me at becominneurotic@gmail.com. I will always, always be here to listen and hold your hand.

Rape/Sexual Assault Resources

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) (All statistics in this post came from RAINN)

Joyful Heart Foundation