Hello Mother, I Need You To Hear Me

I need to say these things to you, and I need you to really HEAR me.

My health is important. It’s important to me, it’s important to Scotty, and I would hope it would be important to my parents. Your actions recently clearly state otherwise.

I don’t know if it’s because it’s hard for you to see your daughter sick, or if you honestly believe it’s some sad bid for attention. Whatever the reason behind your behavior, it’s unacceptable. I AM SICK. This is not up for debate.

I didn’t choose this, I certainly didn’t make it up, and it’s not just going to go away.

The medications I’m taking aren’t easy. They’re not easy on my body, and the decision to choose them as treatment doesn’t come easy. Ultimately I have to decide if I want to reduce my symptoms now and risk possibly shortening my life span or contracting another (often worse) illness, OR do I live without medication and spend my life confined to bed. I choose to risk the medication, because I want to live the best life I possibly can, for as long as I can. Maybe you’d make a different decision. Hopefully we never have to find out.

I know we’ve talked about this before, but for whatever reason, you still can’t seem to be the parents I need you to be. When you were diagnosed with cancer, my sisters and I were worried about you. I never questioned you, your diagnosis, or your treatment. I took care of you, helped in the best ways I knew how, and tried my best to support you. Is it wrong for me to expect the same from you?

I could sit here and explain the science behind my illness, but it really doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. I am sick. It is a lifelong illness. To date, there is no cure. I’m trying my hardest to live the very best life I can. If you can’t be a part of my treatment plan by being supportive and encouraging, then I must distance myself. The stress and anxiety over this strain in our relationship is not healthy for me. Your phone calls during my treatment yesterday caused my vital signs to freak out, and the nurse and doctor both had to calm me down.

That is completely unacceptable.

So this is me setting a boundary and trying to take care of myself. If I don’t answer your calls, you’ll know why. I can’t let your negativity and nonchalant dismissal of me and my illness continue to affect my well being. It breaks my heart to know I can’t count on my own mother for support while I battle the biggest fight of my life. I can only hope and pray my own son never has cause to feel this way about me…

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8 thoughts on “Hello Mother, I Need You To Hear Me

  1. I know how you feel. My parents are supportive and understanding, but few of my friends are. People think I am a complainer, or self-absorbed, because I talk about my health. They hear “rheumatoid arthritis” and they think “Oh, your joints hurt, okay, what’s the big deal?”

    I am having the worst flare-up since diagnosis, and I feel so lonely and isolated.

    I have a supportive best friend, and husband, and parents…but sometimes, it feels like that’s all, that all these friends I thought I had don’t understand or don’t care. It’s something I am really struggling with right now, so I understand, and I completely support your boundary decision.

    I am here if you need a new friend who understands.

    1. I’m sorry that you’re having troubles with your friends, I wish we didn’t have to deal with these things on top of being sick. Thank you for your kind words 🙂 I really appreciate you reaching out.

  2. I’m so sorry about this. Relationships tend to put a strain on vital signs, I will say.
    I hope you two can work this out and be there for each other – in sickness and in health.

    1. Thank you for your kind words Tamara. I think I’ll have to have a serious heart to heart with my mother soon to address these things, but I had to write it out first. Thank you for your support.

  3. I’m sure this was not easy to write, but it sounds like it had to be done, and it was good for you. I hope your mother receives it well when you do talk to her – you deserve her support.

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