Sometimes I wake up and everything hurts.
Sometimes the pain is too much and I want to give up.
Sometimes I want to give the reins over to someone else. Let them worry about all the new symptoms, the pain levels, and whether or not I’m absorbing all my medications and vitamins.
Sometimes I want to close my eyes and just forget it all. Forget that I’m sick, forget that I have responsibilities and obligations, forget that I have to keep fighting.
Sometimes I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to research new treatments and better diets. I don’t want to push through the pain just to manage a few minutes of exercise. I don’t want to go to yet another doctor’s appointment, I don’t want to give them more blood, I don’t want to pee in yet another cup.
Sometimes I wake up and there is a doggy kissing my swollen hands.
Sometimes the pain is just bearable.
Sometimes my fiance rubs my back and kisses my forehead and I know no matter what, everything will work out.
Sometimes I close my eyes and can let the stress go while my favorite song plays in the background.
Sometimes I get an email, a phone call, a text that reminds me I have a purpose, not an obligation.
And that’s why I keep fighting. For my fiance and our doggy, for my son. For all the people who’s lives I’ve touched and who’ve touched mine. For all the others out there like me, who have days where they wonder why they bother.
For me and my dreams, I keep fighting.