Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of it all.
On the days when the pain is more intense, when the fatigue has cloaked me in its quicksand, when anxiety and depression are feeding me their lies, it’s very easy to wonder why I keep fighting.
I’ve struggled this week. While there have been a few good moments, ultimately I’ve been hurting, weak, and exhausted. The little nagging voices have been trying their hardest to convince me that it’s not worth it. That getting up each day and popping the laptop open is just a futile attempt to pretend like I’m actually doing something. That even the triggers from sharing my story weren’t worth it. Really, what good did it do?
Then as I got ready for bed last night, I checked my email. And my hope was renewed.
There, buried among the junk emails, was a note from a survivor, someone who had stumbled upon my post. She reached out to me to tell me her story and that I had helped her. As I read her words, my heart ached for her pain. Tears streamed down my face and I once again railed at the injustices in this world.
She finished by saying, “I wanted to say thank you and it’s kind that you give out your email so that people like me can write out things like this to someone who understands. So thank you.”
My heart clutched in my chest and I was washed over with such a feeling of grace. THIS. This is why I do what I do. Why I get up even on the painful days. Why I work so hard to spread love and hope. Why I relive the trauma every year as I share my story.
Because to know I’ve helped ONE PERSON makes it all worth it. Because no one should ever feel alone in this world. Because two survivors helped to give me the strength to take back my power and rise above the shame and stigma attached to sexual assault victims. Because THIS is how I repay their kindness and faith in me.
So to Someone Who Refuses To Make This Event Ruin Me-
Thank you for reminding me of my purpose in this world. Thank you for trusting me with your story. Thank you for being brave and strong. You are indeed not alone.