I’m the kind of friend who over-analyzes everything.
If I haven’t talked to you in awhile and I text you, I freak out if I don’t hear back in the same day. I stress about tweets and status updates that sound unhappy because I worry they’re somehow my fault. I panic that I’m being too needy or over-bearing. I’m terrified of losing any more friendships.
Logically, I know people have jobs and lives and aren’t constantly attached to their phones like I am. I know that most of my friends are the type to tell me if there’s some sort of riff and we’ll work it out. But even though I know these things, I still worry.
In some ways, I’ve always had this irrational fear. But when friendships suffered from my new life as a spoonie, I think I became more neurotic about it.
I’m trying to work on myself and my confidence. I’ve been trying to make some new, local friends. I think having a few more friends might cure some of the lonely days I’ve been having. But I’m terrified.
How soon do I explain chronic illness to my new friends? What if they don’t understand? What will happen if/when I have to cancel plans?
All of these worries and insecurities overwhelm me, and I start to think that maybe I’m just a bad friend and I’m meant to spend my days home alone. While I know that’s irrational, it’s where my brain is and I can’t find my way out of it. I love my online gals, but I really, REALLY need to have someone over occasionally to watch a movie while my fiance is at work.
So tell me, how do you make new friends? How soon before you tell them about being a spoonie? What tips do you have for me?