Season of Discontent

The world may not have ended, but yesterday still was not full of the awesome.

The un-awesome actually has been here for a bit. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with me but I’ve been exceptionally moody lately. Add in a tragedy that broke my heart, some family drama, and I was bursting into tears in the middle of EVERYWHERE.

Monday I emailed my peeps at Band Back Together and let them I was taking a few days to myself. I figured a mini vacation to clear my mind was definitely in order.

Mostly, it did just that. Mentally, I was able to clear out some cobwebs. Which in turn has left some room for new ideas, new projects. And with the newness comes a renewed eagerness. Until Thursday night.

Wednesday I had gone in to do my quarterly bloodwork. It’s never something I enjoy (I seem to bruise more easily now.) but I know it’s a necessary part of my treatment. RA medications are hardcore on your body and bloodwork is needed to make sure you’re not damaging your liver or kidneys or something. Thursday night my nurse called to tell me that one of my labs was off and that I needed to come back in after Christmas for another test.

Now, some people who don’t understand chronic illness throw around the word “ hypochondriac.” I suppose when you don’t understand something, it’s easy to judge.

For me, I know that it’s not being a hypochondriac,  it’s being careful. I don’t WANT something else to be wrong, but I do know the value in catching anything as early as possible. This also means that anytime labs come back anything other than “A-OK” I freak out.

So yes, I’ve been in freak out mode since Thursday night.

Add in a healthy dose of frustration at situations and people I can’t change, and I’ve been a right mess.

So much for all that good my vacation did.

Oh, and the wonderful Pacific Northwest weather I love so dearly is slowly trying to kill me. I can’t tell if I’m in the midst of a series of flares or if this is just the longest continuous flare to date. Either way, I’m all sorts of hurting.

Obviously, I’m a ton of fun to be around right now.


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