It just was, I suppose.
I got to sleep in and lounge a bit in the morning and it was nice. The boyfriend headed off to work and I had a chat with Cindy Lou, which had me laughing and smiling. I sat in my trusty recliner, wrestled with WordPress, caught up on work and email, and thought about doing a lot of different things.
That’s the key, though.
I thought about doing them, but I didn’t. Why? I’m not sure. I wasn’t in a great deal of pain nor was I overly fatigued. Yes, I was achy and yes, I was tired; but not to the extreme. I could have done any number of things and I certainly contemplated them. I just didn’t do any of those things.
I watched a marathon on TLC of some true story detective show or some such. I chatted on the tweeter machine. I munched instead of cooking dinner.
When the boyfriend made it home, I had nothing to show for my time and no real explanation. What is that called, I wonder? I wasn’t being purposefully lazy nor procrastinating. I just couldn’t find the gumption to do anything.
I suppose that’s a form of self-care, though it wasn’t intentional. I just let myself be, without any expectations.
Maybe that’s what I needed, I don’t know.
I am very thankful and blessed to have my love’s understanding. He never comes home expecting anything other than for me to be doing what is best for me. If I’m able to cook or clean, he certainly appreciates it, but the expectation isn’t there. His understanding of how fickle my body and energy may be is often better than my own. See, he may not expect these things of me, but I often do. Which makes me even more thankful for his understanding.
I imagine I beat myself up enough for the both of us.
I have surprises for him in the works, plans to make this holiday season one to remember for both of us. I’ll share here as I’m able, but know his love for me never goes unappreciated.
His love and understanding allow me to be the best me I can be, which is really the heart of this month’s project.
He helps me give myself permission to heal.