Yesterday was a day of pain.
It would appear the flare has finally caught up with me. While I spent the day resting, I was also working. As long as my hands will still let me type, I will have my laptop in my lap. Which is good since I tend to go batty with nothing to do. There is, in fact, only so much trashy TV someone can watch before they want to gouge their eyeballs out with dull spoons.
As it usually happens, I took to the Tweeter machine to complain, whine, and bitch about feeling like roadkill. Some might call this a cry for attention. I see it as this: I MUST get the negativity out of my system or I will continue to dwell on it. Dwelling on it causes stress and stress worsens my flares. It’s a vicious cycle.
Fortunately, I have some of the best Bandmates and friends on my timeline. They never hesitate to jump in with some #bandaid to make me smile and cheer me up. Yesterday, Cindy Lou was my savior in more ways than one. Yes, she tweeted at me and sent good thoughts of healing my way. She is also the reason I have piles of fabric decorating my craft table. Seeing her name reminded me that I have fun new projects to work on with new crafting materials.
Cindy Lou is a glorious human being. She is a survivor, a fighter, a winner. Life maybe hasn’t always been easy for her, but she hasn’t given up. Instead, she gets up each morning and gives of herself. To be a recipient of her kindness has forever blessed my life.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to find a way to fully show my gratitude to Cindy. How do you tell someone they’ve changed your life and you’ve never met them? She’s currently working on minimizing her life, so I’m hesitant to send her a goody box stacked to the gills. After all, I may enjoy making it and I know she would be appreciative, but it wouldn’t really fit into her vision. And then, in the late of night, it came to me.
Since Cindy Lou reads these ramblings, I can’t tell you what I’ve done. Maybe after she knows, then it won’t ruin the surprise 🙂
Self care yesterday came fairly easy. I was hurting, so resting was the order of the day. I curled up in my trusty recliner and (grudgingly) let my boyfriend make me breakfast. I took my pain pills on time instead of trying to push through anything, and I kept my feet elevated. And I played my newest addiction, Monster Pet Shop, on my phone. EwokMama got me hooked and I can’t quit it.
Giving myself permission to just be is a big deal for me. The guilt monster is never far from the front of my mind, and it eats at me when I feel the worst. It’s had for me to watch the man I love head off to work while I sit and be lazy. I know my rest is important to my health, but it’s still hard to justify within my mind some days. Yesterday was a big step in my recovery. Learning to accept that there will be days that doing nothing is the most important thing I can do is an uphill battle.
But yesterday, yesterday I won.