Finding Clarence

For someone who doesn’t have many fond memories of her childhood, my mother sure is one for traditions. There are a few that drive me batty but most invoke the warm-fuzzies.

Mom’s favorite Christmas movie EVER is It’s A Wonderful Life. I don’t know if there’s a deeper meaning there for her but every year, like clockwork, we would all gather round on Christmas Day after opening gifts and watch George Bailey learn about angels.

And truth be told, it’s STILL one of my favorite movies.

In a sappy way, it speaks to me. And at the darkest moments in my life, I’ve turned to the message in that movie.

Over at, we often talk about how depression is a lying liar who lies. For anyone who’s fought their battles with the beast, you KNOW. The voices that tell you no one cares, no one will miss you. Those are depression’s lies.

And so, when I’m feeling low and depression starts whispering, I remember George Bailey. I try to imagine walking alongside my own angel, seeing the people in my life had they never met me. And if I’m too low, I’ve learned to throw a smile out. It’s amazing what comes back.

This week, I’ve been struggling with my lack of social life and how to make changes. I had a few low moments and so, I tried to focus my energies on helping others smile.

I spent time crafting for a friend’s birthday present. I started designing baby blankets for the wife of the BF’s drummer who’s expecting baby #2 around the holidays. Baby #1 just celebrated his first birthday so he gets a blankie too. I gave our neighbor a ride to work so she wouldn’t have to walk in this ridiculous heat.

I honestly don’t expect or want anything in return, just the doing of it brings me joy and eases the grasp that depression holds on my mind.

But karma has a funny way of showing up. And so? An email from someone I admire was a boost on what was a hard day. I stumbled across a few fellow RA fighters on twitter and I’m feeling less alone in my struggle. And our neighbor? She thanked me the entire ten minute drive.

Each one is a George Bailey moment to me. It shows that I do touch the lives of other people, even if it’s just as a passing breeze.


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